my last post, for real.
Tumblr has been a great distraction for me during the darkest period of my life. Its been a great vehicle of self expression for me.
I am going to prison in the next few days to serve 30-36 month sentence. I’ve never been to prison and I am more scared than I have ever been.
My crime was money related, but the funny thing about money is that it is a social construct built around social relations. The power of money is precisely in its symbolism.
I had built a good life for myself when I began to do self-destructive things, seemingly without purpose.
I’ve hurt everyone I care for.
There has been really dark moments when I thought about just ending my life.
But I think that would only compound my own selfishness.
I am going to get through prison. I am going to try to heal some of the pain I’ve caused and live everyday knowing I can never heal it all. I am going to live with that pain for the rest of my life. But I will do it.
I am going to pay back money. I am going to accept the scorn of others, and I am going to do it with dignity.
Like I said, I am very fucking scared.
But I have come to believe that we are not defined by our worst moments, but how we overcome them and transform them.
I have had so much incredible support from my partner, my family and my friends and community than I believe I deserved.
I have a lot of work to do. I am going to work on myself in every way I can.
Hopefully when I am done with prison, Tumblr will still be as cool as it is now.
Thank you all.